i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
