life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
