Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
