he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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