Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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