My hand turned me down
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
