No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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