Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
