nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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