it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
