i can't believe i had my finger in that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
