What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
