What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
