Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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