Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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