i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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