If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
