you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
