the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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