Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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