so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
