last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
