I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
In America we eat man semen.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
