why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
