fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
