god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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