arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
did i just pee glitter
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
