I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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