are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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