Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
