I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
