I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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