i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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