Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
