Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
