You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
