I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize