my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
