I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
