i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
