no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Drunk is not a location!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
