1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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