this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
