Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
