After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
