Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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