Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
