I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
