well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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