If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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