At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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