Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
