who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
