in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
