She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
