all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize