I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize