Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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