I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
