Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
