Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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