I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
