if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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