I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
