we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
