I'm going to jail i love you
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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