Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
