Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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