At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
