chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My dick has a subreddit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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