I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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