we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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