So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
