bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
