It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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