Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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